TFTB – Topping from the Bottom
Definition
Topping from the Bottom (TFTB) is a term used in BDSM to describe a situation in which a sub attempts to influence or control the dynamic through behavior, words, or emotion, effectively taking the lead while formally remaining in the submissive role.
Explanation of TFTB – Topping from the Bottom
In a healthy D/s dynamic, the sub consciously chooses to surrender and the Dominant chooses to lead. In TFTB, that balance shifts because the sub attempts to determine what happens, how it happens, or when it happens through subtle or less subtle behavior. This can occur through manipulation, emotional pressure, instructions, corrections, evading orders, taking control by suddenly shifting boundaries, or repeatedly seeking approval.
Sometimes this is done consciously, but often it is unconscious and arises from insecurity, fear of failure, a need for confirmation, or a lack of confidence. Topping from the Bottom is not the same as expressing boundaries. Boundaries are clear, honest, and focused on safety. TFTB is about exerting influence while maintaining the appearance of submission.
For the Dominant, it often feels as if the game is being interrupted, or as if his or her leadership is not being taken seriously. For the sub, it can arise from tension: the desire for control and the desire for surrender clash with each other. In long-term relationships, TFTB can be a signal that the dynamic needs attention, rest, or recalibration.
Safety and points of attention
Topping from the Bottom is rarely malicious, but it can put pressure on a session if it is not recognized.
The most important thing is that both parties understand that TFTB is not a sign of failure, but of imbalance. When a sub repeatedly tries to exert influence, it may indicate an insufficiently secure foundation, unspoken fears, or a Dominant who is not (yet) providing sufficient leadership.
Practically speaking, the danger is that the Dominant will respond to the sub’s wishes without consciously choosing to do so, blurring the power dynamic and making consent unclear. The risk is that no one is truly in their role and the play becomes chaotic and unsafe.
For Dominants, it is important to recognize TFTB in a timely manner and to set loving but clear boundaries.
For subs, it is important to explore where the need for control comes from. Sometimes a pre-written script or clear agreements help the sub to relax into the surrender.
In commercial BDSM, TFTB is particularly sensitive: the Dominant must remain professional and clearly indicate what is and is not acceptable. Open communication after the session helps to restore trust and reestablish everyone’s role.
Related terms TFTB – Topping from the Bottom
Bottom
D/s
Dominant
Sub
Submissive
Top
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