Consent within BDSM

Written by: Mistress Moriah
Consent within BDSM. About consent, trust, and the tension between stability and change.

Foundation of BDSM

Consent or consensual is the foundation of every BDSM experience. Without consent, there is no play, no dynamics, and no safety.

At the same time, consent is not a fixed given. It is not a signature on a contract that remains valid forever. Precisely within BDSM, where power, surrender, and intensity come together, consent is a living concept that moves with the person, the relationship, and the context. That makes consent both vulnerable and powerful.

To understand consent properly, it is helpful to distinguish between different forms. Not to pigeonhole them, but to clarify what is being agreed upon, where the space is, and where the responsibility lies.

What is consent at its core?

At its core, consent means voluntary, informed, and conscious agreement. It is the explicit or implicit yes to an action, situation, or dynamic, given by someone who is capable of giving that yes. That sounds clear, but in practice, consent is more complex than a simple agreement.

Consent is not just a rational decision. It is also emotional, physical, and relational. Someone can say yes to something and later feel that that yes is no longer right. That does not invalidate consent, but makes it human. Within BDSM, this realization is essential. Power and surrender do not require less consent, but more awareness of it.

Ordinary consent, consent to the act

The most basic form is consent to the act. This is explicit consent to what is actually happening. For example, to certain touches, forms of pain, aids, or rituals. This form of consent is clear and often easy to discuss. It is the yes at that moment, in that context, with that person.

This form of consent is often situational and temporary. It applies as long as the action takes place and as long as both parties feel comfortable with it. As soon as someone withdraws, physically or mentally, this consent expires. This type of consent is fluid by nature and requires constant coordination. It is the most direct and visible form of consent.

CNC, consent within a specific situation

CNC, or Consent Non Consent, adds an extra layer. Here, those involved give their consent in advance to a carefully defined scenario in which the impression is created during the experience that consent is lacking. The key lies in the word ‘in advance’. Everything that happens within CNC is discussed, limited, and agreed upon in advance.

CNC is not a free pass, but a constructed space in which control and surrender intersect. Precisely because the signals during the game can be confusing, CNC requires an exceptional amount of trust, self-knowledge, and responsibility. The consent is not in the moment itself, but in the conscious choice to allow that moment to arise.

This form of consent is less visible during the experience, but all the more firmly anchored in preparation and aftercare. CNC is never static. Here too, agreements can change and a yes given earlier can always be revised.

Blanket consent, consent to the dynamic

Blanket consent goes one step further. Here, someone gives consent not so much to individual actions or scenarios, but to the dynamic as a whole. The submissive agrees to the Dominant’s guiding framework and trusts that they will act carefully and responsibly within that framework.

This type of consent is common in long-term D/s, M/s, or TPE relationships. It does not mean that boundaries disappear, but that they are embedded in trust. The Dominant is given the space to guide without having to ask for explicit consent every time, precisely because the relationship is built on mutual understanding and constant communication.

Blanket consent is not a fixed possession. It is not a blank check that remains valid forever once given. Rather, it is a relationship agreement that is confirmed again and again, sometimes tacitly, sometimes explicitly. As soon as that trust falters, this form of consent is also called into question.

Are these forms of consent fixed or fluid?

Consent is fluid by definition. People change, feelings shift, and bodies react differently than expected. This applies to regular consent, CNC, and blanket consent. The difference is not in the changeability, but in where the consent is anchored.

With regular consent, the anchor is in the moment. With CNC, it is in the preparation and agreements. With blanket consent, it is in the relationship and the trust that has been built up. None of these forms are immutable. That is not a weakness, but rather a protection against abuse and rigidity.

How can consent be a source of security if it is changeable?

At first glance, this seems like a paradox. How can something that moves offer security? The answer lies not in rigid rules, but in awareness and communication. Consent offers security because it creates space for continued alignment. Not because it lays everything down in stone, but because it recognizes that people are not fixed objects.

Within BDSM, consent is not a lock on the door, but a compass. It points in a direction, not an end point. It is precisely because consent can be revised that security arises. The knowledge that a yes can also become a no makes true surrender possible. Without that possibility, consent becomes an obligation and loses its ethical value.

Consent as a living foundation

Consent within BDSM is not a formality or a legal footnote. It is a living foundation underpinning everything that happens. Whether it concerns an action, a scenario, or a life dynamic, consent requires attention, care, and reflection.

Those who see consent as a given run the risk of reducing people to agreements. Those who see consent as a process recognize the person behind the role. It is precisely there, in that recognition, that the true safety and depth of BDSM lies.

Mistress Moriah

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