Wannabe
Definition
A wannabe is someone who, within the BDSM world, pretends to be dominant, submissive, or an experienced player, without the knowledge, responsibility, experience, or maturity that comes with that role. The term is used to identify unsafe or fake profiles.
Explanation of wannabe
The term wannabe is mainly used within the online BDSM scene, where people sometimes pretend to be bigger, more dominant, or more experienced than they actually are. A wannabe often presents themselves as “Master,” “Domina,” “Alpha,” or “Owner” without having any knowledge of safety, consent, communication, or play techniques.
The same applies to submissives: some call themselves “slave” or “24/7 sub,” but lack the basics of self-reflection, boundaries, or responsibility. A wannabe does not necessarily lack intent or bad intentions, but underestimates the complexity of BDSM and sees it primarily as fantasy or porn scenario. This creates a mismatch between what they promise and what they can handle.
In practice, this leads to disappointment, confusion, or even dangerous situations for others. The term is not meant as an insult, but as a recognition of a pattern: someone who wants to be something, but does not (yet) understand it or take it seriously.
Safety and points of attention
Wannabes pose a risk within the BDSM community, especially for beginners who rely on someone’s experience or title. A wannabe Dominant may ignore boundaries, want to go too fast, or use techniques without knowledge of the risks.
A wannabe sub may not know boundaries, have unrealistic expectations, or suddenly drop out when things get serious. That is why it is important to always pay attention to consistent communication, respect for consent, knowledge of safety, and willingness to learn.
Titles mean nothing; behavior says everything. For new BDSM practitioners, it is wise to make clear agreements, maintain realistic paces, and watch for red flags such as pressure, lack of patience, lack of safety knowledge, or excessive bravado.
A real Dominant or sub takes responsibility, is eager to learn, and respects boundaries—a wannabe does not.
Related terms wannabe
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