Relsub
Definition
A relsub is a sub who exhibits excessively dramatic, explosive, demanding, or emotionally disruptive behavior within a D/s dynamic. The behavior often revolves around attention, chaos, or validation and can damage a dynamic or make it unsafe.
Explanation of relsub
The term relsub is mainly used to describe a sub who, instead of submission, introduces relational behavior, emotional manipulation, or unrest. This can manifest itself in sudden anger, mood swings, making demands on the Dominant, testing, threatening to leave, expecting “punishment,” or constantly seeking confirmation in a way that undermines the dynamic.
Many relsubs have difficulty with boundaries – both their own and those of the Dominant – and can quickly fall into insecurity, jealousy, or a need for control in a D/s dynamic. The behavior appears submissive, but it is not: it is reactive, restless, and often based on fear, loss of control, or a need for constant attention.
The Dominant is more concerned with putting out emotional fires than with playing, leading, or building. That is why the term is often used as a warning: this is not a healthy form of submission, but a sign that something is going wrong in terms of emotional stability, communication, or expectations.
Safety & points of attention
Relsub behavior often starts subtly (excessive texting, pushing, testing).
Clear boundaries are necessary. Rel behavior grows when boundaries are absent.
No reward for drama. Attention can reinforce this pattern.
Check the cause. Sometimes it stems from insecurity, fear, high expectations, or previous negative experiences.
Look at patterns, not incidents. One bad day does not make someone a relsub; structural behavior does.
Consider distance. Relsub behavior can be toxic and unsafe for both parties.
Related terms
Brat
Slave / Slave girl
Sub
Submissive
More information
