Fetlife
Definition
Fetlife is an international social network for people interested in BDSM, fetishism, and kink. It is often described as “the Facebook for kinky people,” where members can meet, share experiences, and participate in discussion groups and events.
Explanation of Fetlife
Fetlife was founded in 2008 by John Baku with the aim of creating a safe, private online community for anyone who identifies with the BDSM or fetish world. Whereas many social media platforms ban or condemn sexually explicit content, Fetlife offers space for expression, fantasy, and meeting others within a niche community. The platform has millions of members worldwide, making it the largest network of its kind.
Users can create a profile on Fetlife, indicate their roles or preferences (e.g., Dominant, submissive, switch, Fetishist, Sadist, or Masochist) and describe their interests in detail. They can post photos, stories, and status updates, and participate in discussion groups, events, or munches (informal BDSM gatherings).
Like-minded people
The power of Fetlife lies in the ability to connect with like-minded people, without judgment or shame. For many people, it is a first step in exploring their desires, finding information, or participating in local kink communities. At the same time, the platform also has its downsides: because it is largely unregulated, there are fake accounts (fakers), inappropriate behavior, and fake profiles.
Within the BDSM community, Fetlife is both appreciated and criticized. On the one hand, it is a valuable place to learn and connect; on the other hand, it is sometimes flooded with users who are mainly looking for attention or sexual contact without respect for the core values of BDSM: safety, trust, and consent.
Meeting place
There are also differences between regions. In the Netherlands and Belgium, Fetlife is used less as a dating platform and more as a meeting place for events, workshops, and discussion groups. International users use it more often for personal contacts or online play.
An important feature is that Fetlife is not commercial in the sense of advertisements or premium content for sex workers – the platform explicitly profiles itself as a community, not as an escort site. Nevertheless, caution is advised: what you share remains visible as long as your profile is active.
Safety & points of attention
Although Fetlife is relatively private, it is not an anonymous platform. Profiles, photos, and messages can be viewed by other members and sometimes misused. Therefore, do not use personal information (such as your real name, place of residence, or workplace) and be cautious with recognizable photos.
Do not respond to private messages without verification; many individuals pose as subs, Mistresses, or photographers. Review profiles, ask questions, and verify identities before sharing personal information. Fetlife has a report function to report undesirable behavior, but enforcement is limited.
Use Fetlife primarily as a means to gain knowledge, seek connection, and build offline contact through official events. Keep in mind that real BDSM is about trust and respect—values that you should guard online just as much as in a play session.
Related terms Fetlife
BDSM
Munch
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